Maternity Portraits

OK, so I always swore that I would do everything I ever wanted with this pregnancy in case it never happened again. Bi-weekly belly shots, 4D ultrasound, and of course, maternity portraits. I have to admit, I was pretty nervous about it, but the photographer was awesome. They turned out pretty good. Here are a few of my favorites (there were 105 proofs total!). We already have her booked for newborn pics, so I'm excited about those!!!

I think I look the most "me" in this picture.

Then this is my favorite artsy belly shot.

Patrick really liked this one, and it may end up going in the nursery.

The two of us. I like the white shirts, and I think we may try this again with the newborn shots.

I felt a little naked in the wrap pictures, but they really did turn out nice.

More belly.

And this is the picture I would say was very "Patrick"


I need to narrow down my list to order tonight. I really can't believe that's actually my belly...even though I'm staring down at it right now. It seems like it's all flown by....but by all accounts, the adventure is just beginning : )

My Little Chunker plus Childbirth Class Part 1

So I just thought I'd share a couple of the pics that we got at our 4D ultrasound last week. It was tons of fun, not something I would have paid for, but Mom really wanted to do it for us, so I wasn't complaining. We have a complete 30 min video of her in the womb, but we have several still shots that are just awesome. She loves putting her foot in her mouth (and it's not a small foot!), and she constantly had her hands in her face...the u/s tech told us to buy lots of mittens...LOL! It was fun to see what she was doing, and it was more priceless to see my mom's reactions (she cried, big surprise...LOL!). The biggest discovery...she looks just like her daddy!!



We stayed pretty busy this weekend, and the nursery is almost done...I can't wait to show it to you, but I just need to put away a few more things before I take pictures...it's dragonfly heaven...thank you Hobby Lobby for deciding to do all of your spring garden collection in 1)dragonflies 2) in all of my selected nursery colors and 3) for really freaking cheap!!! Some of you may know the running "Everything happens for a reason" joke at our house, but Patrick couldn't help pointing that out yesterday as a sat in the glider looking around at the nursery I'd always dreamed of...he said "Hey honey, you wouldn't have been able to find these decorations 3 years ago..." and in unison we said "Everything happens for a reason" and started cracking up.

In other news, we had our first childbirth class yesterday. It was entertaining, but honestly, we only left having learned just a few tidbits we didn't already know from hours of Discovery Health and TLC...LOL! But as always, Patrick was very entertaining, and we were cracking up most of the time (luckily other couples were, too). The most interesting info was the instructor highly recommending an epidural for any of us that were being induced. I knew the contractions were supposed to be far more intense, but hearing it from her somehow convinced me even more. Fine, I'll get the epidural, twist my arm a little more. Have I told you Patrick's theory on epidurals? He said to me one day "If a woman wants to prove how tough she is, fine, do it without the drugs. But if she wants to prove how smart she is, get the epidural." LOL! I'm starting to see his point ; )

Not to mention, my odds for a C-section are steadily increasing. She's still breech as far as I know, and apparently it's highly common for the cervix just not to dilate if it's been stitched...we'll just have to see what happens. 3 more weeks and then we'll be going day to day pretty much!!

Oh, one other note of importance. In our errand running on Saturday, we ended up unexpectedly at PF Chang's for a late lunch. Oh my gosh, they have the cutest little desserts in shot glasses! $2 a piece, and I HIGHLY recommend the Smores dessert...I'm plotting my way back near another PF Chang's ASAP. ; )

Funny Story Friday

I can't believe I forgot to tell this story...it's sure to be one of those that we (mostly Patrick LOL!) tell for years.

So remember I said I was going to breastfeeding class a couple of weeks ago...and remember I said I was letting Patrick off the hook and not making him go... Well one of my friends took the same class in the fall, and she WARNED us that she was one of just 2 girls who didn't have her husband there...but did I listen? NO, I tried to be the good wife and let Patrick go golfing. I did not end up the good wife, but Patrick ended up one hell of a husband! Bottom line, the whole thing was my fault, but somehow I turned out smelling like a rose. : ) Take a lesson from mom baby!

Anyway, I get to the class and quickly realize I am the only one without a husband so far. I call Patrick and before I know it, the waterworks start. I tell him I have to get off the phone because class is starting, and I'll call him later. Now, I thought my little pregnant hormonal sniffle was enough to get him in his car and to the class (we live about 30 min from the hospital), but apparently, he texted me a few minutes later to find out if I was still the only one..I didn't get that text until an hour later. At that point, there were 14 couples and just 2 other girls with no husband. As you can expect from me, I made a joke about it when we had to introduce ourselves and said I let my husband go golfing. All of the men were laughing (and jealous), but I said that I had given him a guilt trip when I realized I was one of the few without a husband. The instructor said that I was supposed to get a gift for coming alone, and everyone laughed of course.

So flash forward to when I turn on my phone at the break and discover Patrick is still back in the suburbs! Oh boy I had a holy cow! I couldn't believe he wasn't on his way. Actually, he didn't even know where the class was. He said he was heading down there, but I was doing the grouchy thing saying no don't bother, and then finally, "Well you can come, but you're not sitting with me"...oh God, we're going to have a little me...can I really handle someone with my personality? LOL!

Anyway, 30 min later I see him outside the door. In true me fashion, I look at him with no expression and then turn back to the instructor without acknowledging him..LOL! He walks in and as soon as he sits down at my table, the whole room starts laughing. I then said "Now does this mean I won't get a present out of this?" And on cue, this wonderful man of mine pulls a little wrapped box from James Avery out of his pocket and plops it down right in front of me...you can imagine the collective "awww" from all the women in the room, and of course, what do I do? cry...LOL! The funniest part is that nowhere in my complaining/whining/bitching did I tell him anything about the "gift rule" for attending the class alone. It also seems that he had already bought the present before my second phone call/tantrum. Somehow that made me feel better.

Anyway, the poor man did NOT get to golf obviously, but I did let him go to a poker game that night, so maybe I paid my penance?

Either way, it's a funny story (which was completely my fault), we had a good time at the class (I missed having him there because I knew we'd be laughing and sure enough when he got there we started laughing at about 100 different inside jokes...we were like 2 kids in sex ed class or something...LOL!), AND I got a pair of gold flower and pearl earrings out of it. : )

3 years ago today....

3 years ago today...I found out I was pregnant for the very first time. It was our third round of Clomid, and back then, I was still taking my temperature religiously every morning (gosh, that seems like worlds away...). I knew that I had reached a temp that was higher than usual for this point in the cycle the day before. I could hardly sleep that night. At 5am, I couldn't wait anymore. I was 12dpo, my temp was again higher that morning, so I got up very quietly and took the test. That day I did something that would become my ritual over the next few years. Take the test, set the timer, and turn around get on my knees and pray. I don't know if I can even count how many times I did that. But that morning, I turned around and saw 2 lines for the first time in my life. I went back to bed, and when Patrick asked me what happened, I started bawling. The poor thing started to console me, telling me that it was okay and we'd try again. It took me a good minute to get our through my sobs "No, I'm pregnant"...to which he said "Oh yeah?" I got up to show him my two lines and he didn't quite believe it since they were so light (he's later become a pregnancy test expert...with this pregnancy he proclaimed at 12 dpo "I don't even have to squint to see that one ; ) ). I remember going to Wal-Mart at 5am and buying more tests including a digital test. I took more tests and even the digital showed up "pregnant". We were up so early that he decided to go fishing. I remember sitting on the couch watching "13 Going on 30" and just being in awe of the fact that I was pregnant. I went to Barnes and Noble that day and bought "What to Expect When You're Expecting"....how funny...because I was definitely NOT expecting everything that was to come over the next few years.

I was so oblivious to it all. I was pregnant, I just assumed I'd have a baby. I had about 10 days of ignorant pregnant bliss before it all came crashing down on me. We had even told my parents complete with bibs on the dogs that said I love Grandma/Grandpa.

I never got that innocence back, it's impossible, but I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing. I still remember that morning vividly...as vividly as I remember the radiologist telling me 10 days later that there was no pregnancy in the uterus...but one in the tubes....the way I remember Patrick crying (one of the few times I've ever seem him truly cry)...the way I remember the exact episode of Lost that was on when I lay in my hospital bed alone that night (it was Hurley's numbers episode, Patrick had gone home to get me my things, Mom was still on her way)...the way I remember the look on Patrick's face when they found Twin #2 a week later...the way I remember knowing that twin #2 wouldn't make it, and just waiting for everyone else to realize it, too.

Will these memories change over the years? I remember the morning of every single positive pregnancy test. I remember the moment I was told that each one of them hadn't made it. I remember that joy, that fear, and that unbelievable pain, and it was different for every single one of them

Will she erase it all? Will all of it suddenly be easier to relive? Because right now I'm struggling not to start bawling sitting here in my office remembering it all.

I've found out that I was pregnant on 6 different occasions in the past 3 years (the first year produced no positives)...I've found out it was over 5 different times...

There's this little person in here kicking me right now. I want her to know just how much she was wanted, just how much we endured, how much we were willing to sacrifice...I want her to know that we didn't give up...when many people would have, when everyone thought we should, when we didn't know how much more we could take...we didn't give up....and she is more than worth it.

My Little Drama Queen...L&D Visit #2

Well this little one is already full of drama...I wonder who she gets it from ; )

So a little update, we had some unexpected excitement on Monday. Sunday night I noticed that I felt a little crampy below my belly button and sort of all the way across. It was noticeable, but I had another bottle of water and went to bed early. I woke up okay Monday but it started up again mid-morning. It wasn't anything in any sort of pattern, just a constant discomfort. It didn't feel like menstrual cramps, more like what I call "pre-cramp cramps", the cramps you get right before you get the period cramps, you know? Anyway, it was bugging me, not painful, just "new", so I put a call in to the nurse (Dr. Swaim was out of town) and headed home with a plan to lay on the couch. Well the second I walk in the door, I get a call from the nurse. She asks a lot of questions, they don't like my answers, and they want me to head down to the hospital for a couple of tests. I actually tried to talk her out of it, but she said no way, they need to do the tests. So I call Patrick and he heads home, the whole way there I'm apologizing (we have cleaning to do since my mom and cousin are coming this weekend) that I know nothing's wrong and I'm sorry we're going to be stuck there all evening. We get to the hospital a little before 6pm.

So I go to the antepartum unit only for them to tell me that Dr. Swaim called in and requested I be worked up in L&D. So we get all settled in one of the nice big rooms with the pretty flooring etc. It was a little surreal being in there...freaked me out a little. They have the little infant warmer in there and everything, and the rooms are huge. Anyway, they get some urine, do a fetal fibronectin test, check my cervix, hook me up to the monitors, and with a little luck, they said I could get out of there in an hour or so. No such luck....I was still feeling fairly uncomfortable, but the contraction monitor was flat. Then the shift change at 7 brought a different nurse who decided the contraction monitor was too high. Low and behold as soon as she moved it, within seconds, it showed a contraction. I didn't believe her that it was real, but she ran off to check my lab results. While she was gone, small peaks kept showing up, and then I was able to associate them with a tightening...I thought it was just her stretching, nope, contractions...coming regularly at that (every 4-5 minutes). So she comes back and says they want to give me meds to stop the contractions. I get 2 shots of terbutaline, and the contractions stopped after the first dose. Terbutaline sucks though, made me WAY shaky. Well then this little brat kept moving all over the place and kicking the monitor away (they said IV fluids make them more hyper). So her heartrate chart looked like she was having decelerations, but really the nurse and I just think it was her moving too much. Anyway, the dr. on call decided that I needed a complete ultrasound just to make sure (to check fluid level, cord, etc.). So off we go down to Radiology. It's fun down there at 10:30 at night when it's not busy. The u/s tech took her time and showed us everything. I think Patrick really liked to see it all, the vessels in the cord, her (what looks to be) humongous foot. Thankfully, everything checked out just fine. My cervix was also very tight (it should be, it's sewn together) and way long...3.9cm...the darn thing keeps getting longer!

So we finally got home a little after midnight, and I've been home taking it easy for the past couple of days. I'm going back to work tomorrow though. I do feel better, but the idea that she might just decide to come early is terrifying me. Luckily, my fetal fibronectin test was negative, so in theory we have at least 2 weeks. What was scarier is that the dr. on call said that after 34 weeks, they won't stop the contractions anymore...yikes!

Anyway, that's the latest with us!! Here are the 30 week pics! We go for our 4D ultrasound on Saturday and we have our maternity portraits on Sunday, so it will be a busy weekend!!!!