Mid-August Update

OK, so one more post and we're completely caught up!

The month of August brought us to Larkin's 4 month check-up....and she's still in the 75th percentile for both height and weight...LOL! Again, I like to think that because she's 75th for both, that she's proportional...but yes, she's got chubby cheeks, and two chins, LOL!

Larkin also started daycare this month which was a huge ordeal for me (not for her...LOL), but she has been doing terrific. She loves it there and the ladies are wonderful (my mom was terrific and came up for her first week and spent a lot of time with her there to ease her into it. My mom is SUPER picky and was very pleased with everything that she saw). Honestly, she's a little bored when she's home all day now because they keep her very busy and give her tons of attention at school. They've even nicknamed her "babydoll"...LOL!

Now that we're starting to get into a rhythm, things are going great.

Here are a few pictures so far in the month of August...

First, we went to the 2nd Annual Aggie BBQ, which is a reunion of a bunch of college friends. This was a big deal for us because last year we were the ONLY ones who weren't either pregnant or already had kids running around...who knew that one year later, not only would I have a baby, but I'd be pregnant, too! LOL! The party also brought us Larkin's first time in the pool...she loved it! I totally want a saltwater pool now, but Patrick says not until I learn to swim...details, details...

The family before we left...

You just wish you looked this good in a two-piece...One of those pictures that make me teary-eyed...
Swimming is SO tiring....
Do I look different now??? I lost all my hair, but it's oh so slowly coming back!!!

And one of my favorite things to do...the Exersaucer...which has more stuff than I have ever seen on any other Exersaucer...this is what happens when you send Daddy and Larkin to Babies R Us on their own...LOL!

July Update- Yes, I'm pregnant!

So yes, I'm really pregnant (and still pregnant as of today, I even have an ob appt this afternoon). I was very shocked in the beginning and went through a whole range of emotions.


First...complete and utter shock....then I cried the entire next day...then I was mad the day after that...and then somewhere along the way denial just set in. What were the odds I'd actually end up with a viable pregnancy on my own, with no meds, after all I'd been through? Seriously, why get attached, I'd just be setting myself up for a fall.

I'm embarrassed to say I was upset that I was pregnant. I never could have imagined a single day in my life where I wouldn't be ridiculously thankful to be pregnant...but those were my true feelings. I had just gotten my body back, life was great and returning to normal, I was playing soccer and tennis, my old clothes (including my skinny jeans) had started to fit again...I didn't sign up for this! All of my reasons for initially being upset were completely SELFISH!

And sadly, I was raised to worry entirely too much about what people thought so I found myself embarrassed of my current situation. For heaven's sakes, I'm not a unmarried teenager or someone with 3 kids that they already can't afford....I'm 32, we've been married for 9 years, we wanted Larkin for 4 years, we always wanted 2 kids if possible anyway. What in the HELL do I have to be embarrassed about? Yes, it was an oops/accident, but when it happens to people like us, it's just funny and becomes one of those stories that everyone talks about..."My friend had 5 miscarriages and it took her 4 years to have a baby and then poof, she got pregnant right away with no problem". I've gone from "that girl" to a completely different "that girl"...LOL!

But then other reasons set in...what about Larkin? I wanted to devote all of my time and attention to her, why would I ever want another child? Will she feel cheated? Will I be a bad mother to the second because I'll resent them for taking time away from Larkin? I'm glad that I wasn't blogging at the time because I'm ashamed of the various whiny/selfish/unrealistic complaints I had about being pregnant...I've since worked through all of it, but it was definitely an opportunity for growth for me.

Dr. Swaim's entire office was very excited...LOL! This wasn't supposed to be able to happen on its own. I always had to use fertility drugs to get pregnant. And then to get a viable pregnancy...after just one time...doing EVERYTHING the wrong way...just unbelievable. She monitored me closely the first couple of weeks to make sure it wasn't ectopic. My betas were terrific, and we saw a small sac at 5 weeks. A week later, a heartbeat! Can you believe it?
Here are my betas before I forget where I put them.
14dpo hcg = 145 16dpo hcg = 282 18dpo hcg = 689 21dpo hcg = 3001

I started to feel sick (sicker than with Larkin) but have yet to throw up (and most likely won't). My complexion on the other hand has been terrific (it was terrible with Larkin!). Dr. Swaim said she'd see me in 4 weeks...and strangely I was okay with that. I know now that there's nothing I can do (besides take my meds and my Lovenox) to change how things go. So I was fine with seeing her at 10 weeks (my appt is today).

Anyway, I'll talk more about how I'm feeling about all of it now (which is really a recent thing...) in my August update next.

For now...more pictures of my chubby monkey!
Our first 4th of July...notice the stars on the Pjs.

I'm so bored....someone entertain me...Thanks Daddy, that's better...July also brought me heading back to work full-time. Larkin says "Daddy, are you sure you can handle me all by yourself?" LOL! But Daddy as always did an amazing job!

The shirt says it all...Mom and Larkin dressed up for yet another visit to Dr. Swaim...she thought she wouldn't see us for a year...LOL!

And to be fair...here's the first belly pic at 8 weeks with #2 who we are lovingly calling Tyrone (and for the record NO, we're not actually going to name the baby Tyrone and YES, the name will be a secret until delivery again...LOL!)

Month 3- OH What a Father's Day! Keep reading!

So June brought us another month of a blossoming baby. Her first shots and 2 month appt were scheduled for my birthday, but she still found time to get me flowers. ; ) Remember that 5th percentile weight stat for her 2 WEEK appt...well her 2 MONTH appt found her at the 75th percentile for both height and weight...LOL! We were very pleased that she had not only caught up but was now a "big baby"...very comforting when you give birth to a smaller baby who goes on to have weight gain issues...not anymore...LOL!

The biggest happenings in June were her baptism and Father's Day.
Here are some pics from her baptism... which was also her first road trip since she was baptized in the church I grew up in (and the church we were married in). I'll have to get pics of her in her baptism dress, but those are on the other computer.
Ready for our road trip....

Driving is boring...Four generations of girls!!

Random pic of the first kitty snuggler (Noah) that was too cute to pass up. Larkin was there first and Noah decided that was a good place for a nap. I'm convinced his purring helped her sleep since he always cuddled and purred with my tummy when I was pregnant!
and here are some from Father's Day...
Father's Day was a great time for us. Actually, the morning of Father's Day I was feeling especially nice and I decided it was a great time for us to finally try to have sex for the first time since I gave birth to Larkin...oh what timing! Everything went okay, but that evening, much to my surprise....I got a few signs that I might be ovulating. Patrick and I had a huge laugh because we had done EVERYTHING wrong, so there was no way I could get pregnant from one time, breaking ALL of the sacred "don't do this" rules that we've all been taught while trying to conceive. We pretty much laughed it off and didn't think of it much for a couple of weeks...

...until 2 weeks passed and I didn't feel like my period was coming...well I did have cramping, but it was different cramping...anyway, why not just take a test Patrick says. So off we go to Wal-Mart to buy a new bin to pack away my maternity clothes, a few other things, oh and why not, a pregnancy test (Patrick even went to go get it, so he picks up the digital...what is it with men and the need to see the word "pregnant"...is the 2nd line just not believable to them?).

Suffice to say...we didn't need the bin!

I took the test upstairs mid afternoon while Larkin was downstairs with my parents. I remember going in after a couple of minutes and seeing the hourglass still blinking and telling Patrick "Oooooo, it's still thinking" and laughing....when I went back after 3 minutes, I was not laughing. The darn thing said "Pregnant"...Patrick came up behind me and all I could say was "No, no, that can't be right...no way!" Several minutes of googling told us that hcg stays in your system for a maximum of 8 weeks post-delivery.....Are you sure? No way you could have meant 13 weeks?????

I was pregnant...and very much in shock.
I told my mom the next day and strangely expected her to be mad (what am I? Fifteen?) She was excited (is she crazy?).
This bring us to the end of June....I'll continue with our craziness in July's recap!

Month 2- My First Mother's Day!!!

May brought us a quickly growing baby!! It was so amazing to see her grow out of her preemie clothes, get control of her head, start taking her out places. The biggest things in May were my first Mother's Day and our visit back to the doctors that helped being Larkin into this world.

First Mother's Day....We had a great weekend, and Larkin really splurged and got me a new digital camera...which I am STILL learning how to use, but I think I finally have the setting I like...LOL! We also went for a walk at a nature park (and managed to spill formula all over the car...it's funny now, but not so funny when it happened...LOL!) and had lots of great food (including mimosas and pancakes for breakfast).
Out for our walk at Jones Park
Me and Larkin on my first real Mother's Day.May also brought me my post-partum visit to Dr. Swaim. I was so excited to walk into that building with my baby. I can't begin to count the number of times I've been to that office through the years...so many emotions: the anticipation of the start of a new cycle, the disappointment of a failed cycle, the shocking news of the latest test results, the grief over finding yet another loss...so many memories...to finally walk in there with my baby was just amazing. We took her to see Dr. Mac, but unfortunately, she was hungry and was not interested in pictures...LOL!
And then we took her to my appt with Dr. Swaim.
I was so glad to get pictures with both of them since they were the two most important people in helping bring her into this world. I am forever grateful that I was lucky enough to have them take care of us over the last 4 years.

Interesting side note: We did discuss birth control at my appt...but we're out of options due to my history. Because of my clotting disorder, hormonal forms of birth control (the pill, the shots, the patch, etc.) are a no-no for me. Because of my previous ectopic, the IUD is also out...so we were a bit stuck...but honestly, what were the chances of an "oops" for someone like me, right?.....right? Think about that for a few days...

Moving on, other pictures from May
Larkin hanging out with Tristan...
A SMILE! Boy those were hard to catch back then...between trying to figure out the camera and getting her to keep smiling...I've gotten better I think! LOL!
First pair of jeans to head to the dr. visit! Mom and Larkin dressed up for the dr. (and coordinating of course!)

On to Month 3!

Month 1- Gaining weight!

So in April, our biggest issue was #1 getting our baby home! and then #2 trying to get her to gain weight! This proved to be a huge issue. I won't go through all the details, but I will say that breastfeeding just does NOT always work no matter how many lactation specialists/doctors/etc. that you talk to and how many crazy plans you follow. Thank you to all of my friends that told me that formula supplements were OKAY! Like I said in my previous post, I learned my lesson and will be happily supplementing from the beginning next time!

So poor Larkin had a horrible time gaining weight. By 2 weeks, she had almost gotten back up to her birth weight, but then didn't gain ANY weight the 3rd week (this is when I was trying to exclusively breastfeed and pumping like crazy, too). DID NOT WORK! Added formula to the mix and away we went. She was 5% for weight at 2 weeks (and 50% for height). You'll see how these numbers compare later...LOL!

Anyway, I know what you really want to see is pictures, so here you go!!
One of my favorite pictures of her and I. When she was little, she would wake up around 5:30am, eat, and then want to nap again, so I'd pull her into bed with us...some of my favorite times snuggling with her.
Larkin in her swing...I wish they made those in adult sizes!
First bath....she loved it!
First bath...look at that long skinny baby!
Larkin's first boyfriend Brody (yes make the jokes...Larkin is Larkin Clara...aka LC and this is her good buddy Brody...LOL!)...already abusing the boys!!
First bow...her look is priceless!
First manicure...awww, and look at all that hair! It all fell out!

On to Month 2!!!

Our (short) Stay in the NICU

So our arrival home with Larkin was fairly short-lived.

The morning that I was to be released, they tested Larkin's bilirubin level again. It was 12. I was terrified that they were going to say she had to stay behind. The pediatrician say no big deal, take her home, but bring her back the next day (Friday) for another test. At worst, she would need some home phototherapy lights. Ok, I can handle that.

We happily drove home and spent our first night as a family. The next morning, Patrick even went to work. Mom and I drove down to the hospital for her test. We were supposed to wait there to get the results so that we could pick up the order for the lights if we needed it. An hour and half later, I got a call from the pediatrician...just thinking about the call makes my stomach turn. Her results had jumped up way more than they had expected. We were to head upstairs, she was bring admitted to the level 2 NICU and would be there for "a few days". I started crying that second and I don't remember when I stopped. I had to have Patrick paged at school, and he headed down to the hospital as fast as he could. Gosh, recounting all of this now just makes me want to get through this story quickly and get to the happy times of the months that followed....

Anyway, we got to the NICU, and all of the nurses were just wonderful. I was still crying and not wanting to let go of my three day old baby. But there it happened, I had to hand her over to a nurse while they were getting her isolette ready. The NICU at Woman's Hospital allows you to be with your baby the majority of the time, except during shift changes for an hour or so. That gives the nurses a chance to catch up on the patients without having nosy parents around listening to the other patients' info. I understand that, but the timing sucked. She was admitted just before a shift change, and they also don't like the parents to be present when they administer the IVs. My poor baby had to have an IV...and then add to it that they had a hard time getting it in.

Patrick got down there in record time, less than 30 minutes from when I first spoke to him. I just remember meeting him in the hall and crying. We got over to the NICU and called in (you call from the phone outside the main entry door), and they said they were still working on her IV...that killed me to think they were hurting my baby and I wasn't even there to comfort her. When we finally got to see her, she was in her isolette, under the lights, with the eye coverings, with the IV, with all of the monitors....it's a horrible thing for any mother to have to see. I'm crying right now just remembering it. This is what my poor baby looked like.



Now somewhere in the course of the day I calmed down. I know that there are babies in there with real problems. We just had jaundice, she just needed the IV fluids, formula supplementation and the lights. We had a completely fixable problem that would just be a bad memory a few days later. But that doesn't stop the pain you feel when you see the child you waited so long for separated from you...all you want to do it hold her, but I could only hold her when it was time to feed her.


Of course my milk came in the day she was admitted. I'm convinced that the stress I was under those days contributed to my supply issues, but that's another story. The nurses there were wonderful and encouraged us to interact with her as much as possible (but it was important she stay under the lights). We would take her temperature, Patrick would change her, we'd weigh the diaper so that they could measure input/output, and then we'd feed her. I nursed her, but we'd also offer her a bottle afterwards. She was such a lazy eater that it was frustrating. We needed her back under the lights as quickly as possible.

The first day was a bit of a blur between trying to get adjusted, renting a breastpump, figuring out the schedule. I was determined to say by her side non-stop as long as she was there. But the nurses and the pediatrician talked to me (and Patrick and my mom) and convinced me that I needed to get home and get some sleep or I was really going to have trouble nursing/recovering from childbirth. So I finally agreed to leave after the last evening feeding and get back before the first early morning feeding. So I only missed 2 feedings a day. We'd leave there around 10:30 pm at night, and we would be back around 5:30 in the morning.

Day 2 was Saturday and Patrick and I got there early to feed her. They had done another bilirubin level at midnight and it was down a bit (to 18.9 I think). This was good, but nowhere near where it needed to be to bring her home. Another level that morning only had it drop to 18.0, so I was devastated. Again, not an issue with her health, but an issue in how long we were going to have to stay. We had an amazing nurse that day, Stephanie. She helped us to get stronger lights, try a few different things (including feeding her in the isolette under the lights), and just coach us with what she would do. We tried everything we could, and that evening we got another amazing nurse, Mary, that Larkin would eat really well for.

During our stay there, all of the nurses kept laughing at Larkin. Usually they have very small, calm babies...not my Larkin. While she was small to us (she dropped to 5lbs 7oz when she was admitted to the NICU), she was big for a NICU baby...LOL! And jaundiced babies are supposed to be lethargic...but someone forgot to tell Larkin that. All the nurses joked that she was trying to escape the isolette. She constantly ended up out of position, and when they put in a little snuggly to keep her contained, she decided to prop up her feet and use it as a footrest...LOL! She was also notorious for tearing off all of her leads and they had to replace them several times a day...LOL!

Saturday was a long day, and as usual I cried the whole drive home. There's just something about having to leave your baby behind...when all you wanted was to be woken up 5 times a night by this bundle beside your bed...our bedroom just seemed so quiet. I was also in quite a bit of pain. Because I was so focused on her, I had not been doing all of things I was supposed to to care for my stitches, and I kept forgetting to take my pain medication. I felt completely miserable physically those days, but I know it would not have been the case had we all been home together.

Anyway, Sunday morning we headed back to the NICU early in the morning. I was expecting to have her bilirubin test drawn at 6am, but low and behold they had done it at midnight...and it was 12.8!!! Now the pediatrician had said the magic number was 12, so I didn't think she'd get to go home, but we were definitely going in the right direction so I felt like we'd get her home on Monday. I remember going out to Starbucks during the morning shift change and just feeling so wonderful. What a relief. Well the shift change brought us Charlotte, yet another amazing nurse. She was confident that we could work to get Larkin home THAT DAY! They talked to the dr. and decided to run another bilirubin and stop therapy. They came and drew the test and then my baby got to come out of the isolette, got her IV removed, had her "sunglasses" removed...I just held her the entire time while we waited for the results and waited for the pediatrician on call.



Her results came back at 9!!!!! And soon the pediatrician came by and said we were ready to be discharged, just to follow up with our pediatrician at home in a few days. Bringing her home that day was her true homecoming. I was so unbelievably grateful to have her home.

I know we've had friends that have spent significantly longer in the NICU (months in some cases), and to you I just say that you are a stronger woman than I am. Our three days was an experience that I would love to forget, but we survived. Those of you that have spent longer, you have my utmost respect!

Now let me say one last thing...I plan to do everything in my power for this NOT to happen again. Jaundice is very common in early babies (she was born at 37w6d). She was a lazy eater, but that could have been the lethargy from the jaundice which of course causes a vicious cycle since we need babies to eat in order to poop and flush the excess bilirubin out of their system. At the hospital, there are 2 schools of thought. The breastfeeders want you to refrain from any kind of supplementing so that the baby can establish your supply. The actual nurses kept pushing for us to supplement with formula (which was frustrating to me since I was determined to nurse). Looking back now, 4.5 months wiser....I would do things completely different. I would (and plan to) supplement with formula starting with feeding #2. I WILL NOT spend days in the NICU again simply because I'm too stuborrn to give my child formula. I had significant supply issues which could be due to hormonal issues (infertility is a risk factor for supply issues), the fact that she was a lazy eater, or the stress I was under during that time. Regardless, I've learned my lesson and will absolutely supplement the next baby and do my best to avoid this happening again!!!

OK, next post...a quick recap of Month 1...

Trying to catch up!

OK, so I've been back at work full-time for a couple of weeks now, so of course, now is a great time to start catching up on this blog. I plan to post our NICU experience today, and then update with Month 1, Month 2, Month 3, and get us all the way updated to current time. I'll entice you by saying that if you haven't talked to me in awhile....well you're going to have quite the surprise in store for you in a few days...LOL! Just wait...it's a good one!

Delivery Day- 4 Years, 4 Pushes

So I woke up well rested about 6:30am the next morning and asked Patrick what he had for dinner…LOL! Seriously, I STILL couldn’t tell you what he had. It’s our running joke now whenever I ask him something that I already asked!

Anyway, shift change brought a new nurse, Judy, who proved to be absolutely amazing. She expected Dr. Swaim to show up around 8am, so she gave me permission to take a quick shower. So I did, and then hopped back in bed just in time for Dr. Swaim to get there. As soon as she walked in, she said okay, let’s break your water. Somehow this idea startled me. I didn’t expect to get started that quickly, and the thought that there was “no going back” after she broke the water seemed absolutely overwhelming. She of course just laughed at me. So she took out the Cervadil, and poked around and broke my water. It didn’t take long at all, but what a strange feeling. It was just weird. She said I was 1cm dilated and my cervix was soft (so the Cervadil had done something since I was dilated at all the night before). The fluid was clear (I felt it trickling…again, what a strange feeling), so that was good news. Then she said that we’d start the Pitocin, and she’d be back around lunch time to check on me. Then Judy brought in the Pitocin and away we went at roughly 8am.
Within minutes after breaking my water, my contractions picked up big time. I definitely felt them and they were getting closer, every 3-4 minutes. Soon after starting the Pitocin, I started getting grouchy…LOL! Mostly, I just didn’t want to be touched during the contractions. I talked with Judy about pain options. She said since I planned on the epidural (which again she highly recommended due to the Pitocin, and Dr. Swaim practically required it for me…LOL!), that she would recommend trying to tough it out without the narcotics until it was time for the epidural. I agreed since I really didn’t want anything to make me sleepy and more importantly, I didn’t want anything that would get to the baby.

So we actually moved me to the rocking chair, Patrick handed me my Ipod, and I just zoned out and breathed my way through the contractions. It wasn’t comfortable, but they were certainly bearable. I just didn’t want to talk during, but I was laughing and chatting in between. The rocking chair really felt great, so I highly recommend that. Judy kept upping the Pitocin (I stopped looking, but Patrick kept making joked everytime she upped it…LOL!), and my contractions kept getting closer and stronger. At about 10:30am, Judy decided to check me since my contractions were about 2 minutes apart. I was a stretchy 3cm and almost completely effaced. So she called Dr. Swaim, and she said go ahead with the epidural.

Now that’s what I call service. Within 5 minutes of calling for the epidural, they were in there. Five minutes later they were done. Five minutes later, I was super relaxed. It’s so weird, it feels as if it’s soothing/tranquilizing you, but in fact, it’s just your body’s response to the relief of pain. They had me on my side, and I was completely relaxed. I didn’t nap, but I had some great rest.

A little while later, there was a little concern because we were starting to see decelerations of her heart rate with each contraction. They tried a few different positions, but it seemed to be getting worse. Of course, I panicked. Judy called Dr. Swaim, and they sent over the doctor on call, Dr. Wynn, to come and look at my strip. They put me on the oxygen mask, and after Dr. Wynn looked at the strip and talked with Dr. Swaim, they decided to do an amnio infusion (infuse fluid into the uterus to help move her off the cord if that’s the problem). Of course, everyone tried to calm me down, say this happens all the time, but that if it didn’t resolve soon, then we might be looking at a C-section.

The amnio infusion helped a little with the decels, but they came and went. Dr. Swaim got there around noon, calmed me down, and checked me. I was a stretchy 5, and she was moving down fairly fast, so they attributed the decels to that. A quick emptying of the bladder by catheter (it was really full) and another change in position got them back under control. Dr. Swaim stopped by again later and all was well. She said she’d get an update when they checked me again at 2pm.

After that, we went ahead and sent Patrick to eat lunch while my parents sat with me. We just talked and laughed, and then I started feeling the contractions again. Not pain, but I felt a pushing sensation up and the top of my belly, like something was pushing down and it was in time with each contractions. Incidentally, they kept saying what a beautiful contraction pattern I had. Considering that we were inducing early (37w6d) and that we were worried my cervix would be scarred shut after the cerclage, it was amazing how well my body responded. Shortly before 2pm, we kicked out my parents since Patrick was back from lunch. Judy checked me and said “Oh wow, you’re ready.” I said “I’m what”. She said “You’re complete, you’re ready to start pushing.”

Those words sent me into yet another panic, and I was laughing nervously. She went to call Dr. Swaim to say we were going to start pushing. Patrick went to tell our parents to sit tight in the waiting room, that we should have a baby in a couple of hours. I asked Judy how long she thought the pushing phase would take. She said first time moms usually take a couple of hours, but that I looked athletic, so you never know. Patrick got back, and Judy said we’d try a few practice pushes so that I could get an idea of what to do. I think she said we’d try 4 pushes or so. So we got me in position, I asked her if I should truly push as hard as I can, she said yes, and away we went. We’d push for 10 counts, breathe and then try again.

1-2-3-4-5-6-7- STOP!! I asked what was wrong. She said nothing, but that I was an excellent pusher and the head was already there!
WHAT!?!

Panic sets in…LOL! I thought I had a couple of hours. Patrick looks like an anxious little kid at this point…and worse, he’s staring at the thing poking out of my crotch…LOL! Immediately, Judy gets on the phone calling all kinds of people telling them to come NOW. At this point, they look down there again and say that she has hair….hair…I was bald, Patrick didn’t have much at all, so we were completely convinced we’d have a little bald baby. I started crying, and I just remember looking at Patrick not thinking that this was really happening.

People started running in the room, smiling, and laughing about the fact that it took one push to get ready. Dr. Swaim came running in praising me for being such a good pusher. They turned off my epidural and away we went.

One push….take another deep breath, push again…STOP! Her head was out. Patrick, who I had made promise he wouldn’t look “down there” was looking down there the whole time…LOL! The look on his face once the head was out was amazing…he didn’t see blood and yuckiness…he saw our daughter. One more push, a weight lifted off my belly…a weight lifted off my heart. 4 pushes, and Larkin Clara came into this world at 2:21pm. She started crying immediately, and they put her right on my chest. I just remember staring at that beautiful little baby through my tears. There she was, everything that I had worked so hard for, prayed for, fought for. She was doing so well that they were able to clean her up on chest. She stayed there for quite a while. Her Apgars were 9 and 9, so she was just perfect. She cried, then sneezed, but mostly she just looked at us.

They took her over to finish cleaning her, weigh her, measure her, etc. while Dr. Swaim finished me up. I had a 2nd degree tear from her flying out so fast, but it wasn’t bad. I only lost about 300ccs of blood which was also good since we were concerned about any lingering effects from the blood thinners or my uterus not contracting from all of the traumas of the previous surgeries. Everything went perfectly.

They measured her at 19.5 inches and 6 lbs 2 oz. Dr. Swaim said congratulations and headed back to her office (she left her patients to come deliver Larkin…they don’t do that, they have a partner on call, but if they have a special patient, they make exceptions….sorry to all the people who ran late that day because Dr. Swaim was with me…LOL!).

Once they were done measuring her and footprinting her (they even put fingerprints on Patrick’s shirt…a pink T-shirt I had made that said “First Timer”…LOL), they handed her to Patrick for the first time. As he turned to walk her over to me, he broke down in tears. That’s one of those moments that I won’t forget as long as I live. Later we let all the grandparents come peek in, then I tried to nurse her, and off she went to the nursery. Patrick went with her to video her first bath, etc. Meanwhile, I got to order my first meal! I ordered a cheeseburger, fries, apple pie, and a Sprite…it was good…LOL!

Patrick got back just as they were ready to transfer me to my private room. He went and ran a few errands (paid for the room, grabbed things from the car, checked on Larkin again in the nursery) while I took a nap. The pediatrician came in and said she’d checked her out and that she was perfect. I was so excited when they brought her back to me.

We had lots of visitors and then sent everyone home so we could rest. I was definitely starting to feel everything. Later that night we sent her to the nursery so we could rest a little. Then we had drama. Apparently her temperature was low, so they had to check her blood sugar. Her blood sugar was low, so they had to give her a bottle and put her under the warmer. They had to keep her until she could regulate her temperature on her own for an hour. I hated this because they wouldn’t let me up there to take came of her )the general nursery). I lost it and was crying uncontrollably. Luckily our night nurse was great and told me this was really common and not to worry. A couple of hours later, Larkin was back in my arms thankfully.

The rest of our hospital stay was pretty boring, and we were released 48 hours later with instructions to come back the next day for a bilirubin follow-up (that would be our NICU drama to come next).

Driving home with our baby was an amazing feeling…our dream had come true….finally…

And now some pictures...
Mid-contraction

Her first picture

The family

Backtracking- My last pregnant day

So let me take you back to Monday, March 31st. I spent the day trying to relax, went to get a pedicure/manicure, paid a visit to Starbucks, took the longest shower ever, and then waited for my parents to arrive. I was supposed to call Labor & Delivery at 5pm to see what time to come in. I of course was an “A” induction, so I got first priority since it was “medically necessary”.

My parents arrived about 4pm. I called the hospital at 5pm only to be extremely frustrated to hear that they were swamped, and I should call back at 7pm. Didn’t they know I was an A induction? ; ) My parents and Patrick were tickled at my frustration of course. So we watched a movie and I finished my labor playlists for my Ipod. I called back at 7pm, and they said they still weren’t ready (I was starting to get upset). This time they said that they would call me when it was time.

I became completely convinced that they were never going to call. I resigned myself to the fact that I’d have to wait another day, and we sat around watching Dancing with the Stars (I never watch that show, but it was entertaining and distracting). Patrick on the other hand had gone from being calm to being extremely anxious…sort of turbo nesting. He was all over the place, putting batteries in everything imaginable. When he came downstairs with the swing (still in the box), we couldn’t help but laugh. As he was putting the finishing touches on the swing, the phone rang. It was time! They asked if I could be there by 9:30 (it was shortly after 8:30), and I said we’d leave right away.

I did my best to scoot everyone out of the house, while annoying them all, only to discover that neither of the cars had gas…LOL! I swear we could not get to the hospital fast enough. I was convinced that they were going to give away my room…LOL! Patrick just laughed and tried to keep me calm.

They got me settled pretty quickly because they wanted to start the ripening right away. We did the paperwork including putting my fingerprints on the birth certificate (I cried of course), started my IV, and then put in the Cervadil (boy, that wasn’t pleasant). I was settled in by 10:30. Then they came to “give me something to help me sleep” (under Dr. Swaim’s orders). They said it was Ambien. I’d had it before, so I thought that would be nice to help me relax. However, they gave me TWO Ambien. Within minutes, I started feeling something. Patrick had gone downstairs to get some dinner (no one wanted to eat in front of me since I’d only had clear liquids since noon and couldn’t eat again until after I delivered), so I was with my parents. I got TOTALLY loopy with the Ambien…apparently it was hilarious. Mom even tried to get Larkin’s name out of me, but Dad stopper her…LOL! I was highly entertaining, and the pictures of me at this time are hilarious (I’ll see if I find one to post). I was completely drunk, and when Patrick got back, my parents headed home to watch the dogs. Patrick took a little video of me in my drunken state…boy was I funny. I apparently asked him no less than 5 times what he had for dinner. I was also completely mesmerized by the monitors, so everytime the screen saver came on, I made Patrick get up and fix it (I had been having contractions randomly throughout the evening so it was fun to watch). Finally, Patrick refused to get up again because I needed to sleep : ( LOL! So off I dozed, I don’t even remember waking up during the night when they checked my blood pressure and stuff. I’ll continue tomorrow with delivery day!!!

Here are some pictures!!
This is the shirt I made for the hospital. Final pregnancy stat: 33 lbs gained





This is us right before we walked out the door to head to the hospital.

And the fingerprinting at the hospital.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother’s Day everyone!!!

I know, I know, I really need to get back to work on updating this blog. I’m happy to say that we’re slowly getting into our own groove, and we even made it out to our first lunch with friends today! My goal next week will be to post everyday complete with pictures to catch you up!!! Hold me to that!!!

For now, just a quick note on Mother’s Day. What an amazing day it will be this year. Mother’s Day was always a fun day before we started this journey. Ever since we were newlyweds, I’d usually get a Mother’s Day card from the cats along with a Starbucks giftcard…occasionally the dogs would chip in too ; ) The first Mother’s Day after we started trying to have a baby, all of that still happened, along with a card that talked about how soon I’d have a real Mother’s Day. After that year, Mother’s Day was not so happy anymore. We found it best to just ignore the holiday completely. Poor Patrick never knew exactly what to do or say on that day. As the timing worked out over the past 4 years, I was never pregnant on Mother’s Day (and even managed to miss it with this pregnancy). Most of the time, I was still very raw from the latest miscarriage…most of the time, I spent the day crying (and usually the preceding weeks were no fun either with all the Mother’s Day commercials). I guess not all that much has changed because I’m still crying at all the Mother’s Day commercials…just for a different reason.

I think it’s finally hit me that I’m a mother. I had Larkin in her sling while I put away laundry in her room this week. I was playing one of the CDs my mom had bought her, she was sleeping soundly cuddled against me, and I was packing away her preemie clothes she had grown out of already…and it really hit me. I started crying uncontrollably, but they were all tears of joy.

We made it. I still remember every detail of every bad day, every bad result, every painful moment…but it was all absolutely worth it. Every dirty diaper, every hungry tantrum, every sleepy morning…and every smile, every laugh, every gurgle, grunt, sneeze, hiccup…I’d do it all again in a second…and maybe someday I will.

So Happy Mother’s Day everyone. To those with children to hold…and to those with the hope that someday it will finally be their turn.