Waiting....

It's like I've forgotten how to do this. I've been very pessimistic(realistic) about the whole thing, and it's totally a defense mechanism. I know this because I still practice in my head how I would tell Patrick and how I would tell my parents next week.

Patrick got called at the last minute to go to Minneapolis. Long story short, he coaches club volleyball, one of the older teams (17 and under) made it to nationals, their coach got pneumonia and couldn't fly, Patrick was pretty much the only option or the girls would be disqualified...so he left yesterday and doesn't come back until Sunday.

It sucks to be by myself, but we have friends in town (my favorite neighbors who moved and I've missed so much), so I'm staying busy. There's always that dissertation to work on, too....

Anyway, so this is making me want to test before he gets home...just on the off chance that it's positive and I can surprise him. My beta is Monday anyway. So the options are Saturday or Sunday if I want to surprise him or Monday if I just want to cry in the privacy of my own bathroom...we'll see how long I hold out.

I'm off tomorrow (to hang out with my friends that are visiting), so odds are I won't post again until I know...say a prayer for me...this never gets any easier.