Negative Nancy

No good news...that about sums it up.

No I am not pregnant...thought I was, damn drugs thoroughly had me "feeling it"...it was a cruel, cruel joke. I got over it though, and went for my start of the cycle scan...which revealed a HUGE (37mm) cyst. Freaking LOVELY!!!

So what now? Oh yeah, that's right, I'm on birth control pills to try to shrink the cyst. Do you know how freaking insulting it is to have to be on the pill when the last thing I want anyone near me is any form of birth control???? It's such a bunch of crap.

You name it, it happens to me. It's always something, and I can't catch a freaking break.

That being said, I'm on the pill for another week and a half...then we'll check the cyst. If it's gone, then here we go again with the Clomid. Oh but wait, we're doubling the dose, as if it's possible for me to be even more unpleasant while I'm taking it. There's not enough wine in Texas.

So I'm around...just trying to forget that I ever even wanted a baby, and trying to forget that all of this crap happened to me.

A Personal Record

Well, nothing like a little hope to make the time CRAWL by. My 7 dpo progesterone check came back....32.6...a new personal record for me. It was never that high even when I was pregnant. Not that a high number means that I could be...just that if there is a little zygote floating around, it might actually have a shot.

This whole progesterone thing has really got me thinking, too. Maybe that was one of my problems. I never started the progesterone in the last pregnancy until 5 weeks (when it had dropped a little from the previous weeks). I know that falling/low progesterone can signal a "doomed" pregnancy, but low progesterone contributes to bad lining, bad circulation, bad implantation which of course could be what was "dooming" the pregnancy to start with, right? So what if this stupid little pill I put you-know-where twice a day is all I needed?

Is there such a thing as too much hope? Geez, I'm setting myself up for a fall again...I need to get back to reality...