Ode to my Skinny Jeans

First off, I feel absolutely wonderful post-cerclage. Hard to believe it's even in there! Spotting stopped on Saturday, no cramping, nada!

What's more fun is that my nausea is now gone, but it has been replaced by MAJOR hunger! Seriously, yesterday in the span of 10 minutes I went from thinking I might be hungry to shaky hands, feeling faint, give me food NOW hungry. It was crazy! On another note, along with the nausea leaving, my energy seems to have returned (all of this happened yesterday!). I had the most productive day at work in 3 months and even made dinner last night (still fell asleep at 9pm, but what's a girl to do).

Now let's take a moment to remember my skinny jeans. We all have them...the tightest ones in the closet, the ones that say "I'm going out, and I'm looking good." They were my favorites, always flattering, always dressy...always buttoned?? Not anymore. Now you know I've been using the Bella Band to leave my jeans unbuttoned for the comfort factor, but I felt the need to point out that my pants still DO button (just not comfortably). Well, the same cannot be said for my skinny jeans. Just recently, I put them on and discovered that while they go on (and can be held up by the Bella Band), it is in fact physically impossible to button them...they were the first to go...I'm guessing because they're low-rise. Anyway, this happened a week ago. Just yesterday, my dressy fitted black pants met the same fate. Although these still will button, but if I'd sat down or sneezed, I would have lost a button and someone would have lost an eye.

That being said, tomorrow is picture day (again!), so let's see if there's a difference this time! I definitely look a little chubbier, but still don't look pregnant.

Oh, a random note on cravings...most women crave cookies, cake, salty chips, french fries...I on the other hand crave MEAT and most recently last night...get this...cooked spinach with butter. And it tasted SO GOOD!!!!

Cerclage....Check!

Well my cerclage is in!

We headed to the hospital yesterday, and it was a very interesting experience to be there. I've had 3 surgeries there (the other three were at the surgery center), so we've never really been there with good news. Plus a lot of my first BAD ultrasounds were there in the radiology department, so it's just a weird place for me. This was the first time I would come out of surgery still pregnant...and it was the first time passing the rooms with all of the big birth announcements posters didn't bother me. It was the first time I felt like I belonged there (it's strictly a woman's hospital).

So all went well in pre-op. They found the baby quickly with the doppler (160bpm), but all I was thinking was that I hope no one in the curtains next to me was there for a miscarriage...what torture that would have been. We also heard someone else later who they were taking FOREVER to find the heartbeat, and it was funny because Patrick and I both found ourselves listening and getting nervous for this person we didn't know. They finally found it though right before I was taken back. Patrick knows the drill really well, so it wasn't too stressful, but we were really worried about the effect of the anesthesia on the baby.

So in pre-surgery, they put in my IV, and I got to talk to the anesthesiologist. I told him I was panicking about the anesthesia's effect on the baby, and he put down his paperwork, sat on the corner of the bed, and did a magnificent job of calming me down. Apparently, he was 4 kids, all born with the help of a cerclage, all cerclages performed at that hospital under general anesthesia. He told me all the details of what they were giving me, that I would take the brunt of it, the baby wouldn't get much at all, and that it was perfectly safe and they did it multiple times every single day. So I felt SO much better. I also got to talk to Dr. Swaim and of course, she made me laugh and calmed me down again.

Funny thing is, I didn't get to have that usual pre-op "margarita" that calms you down before they wheel you into the OR. So I saw everything, was completely aware, and was very talkative...LOL They told me to take 4 deep breaths as soon as I felt the stinging in my IV. I remember the 4th breath, and that was it!

I woke up in the recovery room and apparently immediately started asking how the baby was doing. They checked the heart rate and found it right away at 148bpm. I asked if that was typical after surgery, and they said usually they're only at 120-130bpm, so my little muffin shook if off like a champ! He's tough like his mama. I had a great nurse in recovery. Actually every nurse I had yesterday was just awesome. It was such a reality check for me. For my other surgeries, everyone was very sympathetic, nurturing, careful...but this time, they would look at my history and tell me how amazing and exciting it was this time. Everyone was chipper and comforting but so upbeat. I was glad to finally be "that girl"...a different girl than I've ever been. Problem child...yes...but PREGNANT problem child. ; )

Anyway, as soon as I saw Patrick he looked worried, but once I told him we already heard the muffin post-surgery, he perked up right away. I sat in recovery and drank my Sprite and then did my job (peed...LOL!). Then they checked the heartbeat again! 156bpm that time, so we were both ready to go!

Leaving there was interesting. They wheeled me down and I waited for Patrick to pull up. There were two other women holding newborns and nervous husbands were attempting to load up the cars. After any other surgery, that would have been pure torture...but yesterday, I vowed that the next time I was wheeled out of that hospital...that would be me.

I feel pretty good. I napped a little yesterday, but I was really restless, last night, too. I got nauseous last night and had a hard time with dinner, but I think that was just the anesthesia. Usually I'm good and drugged post-surgery, but this time, I didn't even ask for any pain meds in recovery and I haven't even taken a Tylenol!

I'm home resting today, and just dealing with a headache that the computer isn't helping with at the moment, so off I go.

I'm so unbelievably grateful that everything went so well. Now we've done everything we can. I WILL have this baby...this WILL be THE ONE! We still take it one day at a time, but at 13w2d, I'm more and more confident that there will continue to be a tomorrow!!

Here's where you humor me

I certainly thought there would be this huge difference this week...and not so much apparently...LOL! I swear I FEEL the difference, I just wish it would show up on the pictures! Right now, I just look like I need to do more crunches! I want a belly already dang it!

My visit with the High-Risk OB

Yesterday was just an awesome day. We met with Dr. Kirshon for the first time. I really like him, and I'm happy to have him on my team. The rooms are really nice, and the ultrasound chairs are way comfy! They're actual chairs that recline and shift all over the place, so it was really nice. Plus the room is dimly lit, very relaxing, and there are 2 additional TVs to the normal ultrasound screen so that we can see what is going on very clearly.

As soon as he put the probe to my stomach...there was our little one. To see that profile of that little baby was amazing, so of course I started crying right away. Funny enough, he had the hiccups!! He kept trying to get his left hand in his mouth..almost like he was trying to get his thumb in his mouth. Then he was kicking his legs for a bit. His hiccups finally went away and then he was just relaxing.

The NT measurement was terrific. I saw the first measurement at 1.1mm, and I said "yay", and Dr. Kirshon explained to Patrick (who was confused) that it was a very benign measurement and meant that everything looked really great. The nasal bone was present, and overall he looked great. We saw 2 arms and 2 legs, heart rate was at 175bpm, and he measured 5.9cm (12w3d). Dr. Kirshon also switched it to 3D for a minute, so that was pretty cool. Although Patrick was having a Rachel on Friends moment and couldn't quite see the baby...I think the picture below is pretty clear, but the scan quality is never as clear as seeing it on the screen.

Dr. Kirshon was very positive (which of course I need to hear) and said that everything looked absolutely terrific and the baby looks perfect for this stage.

Then he measured my cervix. As soon as I saw what the measurement was, I said "Uh-oh", to which he said "Yep, I think we're going to need to place the cerclage". My cervix measured 2.5cm. The cutoffs for preventative cerclages can range from 2.5cm-3cm depending on the doctor. With a history like mine and a cervix that short, the choice was clear. There was no funneling, so it's holding together just fine, but we just won't take a chance.

In the end, I was glad that the decision was so easy to make. I think if it had been borderline and we'd decided to just monitor it every couple of weeks that I would be panicked between each appointment wondering if things were going wrong. Apparently there are no symptoms of an incompetent cervix...it just happens. I know my losses have been horrific, but that kind of loss...I just don't know if I could make it back from that after everything else. So I'm grateful that everyone was so forward-thinking to check me for this now and that they're being proactice.

So Dr. Swaim will be placing the cerclage. My pre-op appts at her office and at Woman's Hospital will be Wednesday, and then the cerclage will be placed at noon on Thursday under general anesthesia.

I'm nervous. I just want everything to be okay. Now that I've seen that little one inside of me (which I still can't quite grasp), I realize just what's at stake.

I've long said that I'll do whatever it takes...so this is just one more step along the way.

Here's my little muffin...cute profile shot


And the 3D alien looking pic...LOL! I can totally see his face though!

Updates

So my sweet husband finally scanned all my ultrasound pictures. I picked the best ones and have posted them on each of the corresponding appointment posts. Now that he has the scanner figured out, I'll try to be faster with my appt next week since those should be pretty cool pictures!

Speaking of sweet husbands, he came home from the grocery store the other day with the most random stuff...snacks, eye shadow brushes (I had complained my favorite one was falling apart), new eye shadow (now I don't generally use eye shadow from the grocery store, but hey, I'll give it a shot), and get this...purple glitter top coat nail polish...could this man know me any better??

Anyway, we're still taking it day by day here. We look forward to the daily muffin checks, and lately, he's been far more panicked than me. He really likes the doppler though, I think it makes it real for him, you know?

One week until my high-risk/perinatal/maternal-fetal medicine/whatever-you-want-to-call-that-dr. appointment.

PIMPLE!!!

Oh dear Lord...people said this might happen but I was not prepared for the monstrosity on my forehead at the moment. I mean it's a full out "stay-home-from-high school" pimple right smack in the middle of my forehead! I felt it coming on yesterday, then the pain from this thing actually woke me up last night. This morning...the horror...Patrick could only laugh. I believe this incident was initiated by the eyebrow waxing I had on Saturday. I noticed that I seemed to have a slight reaction to the post-waxing cooling lotion...and then slowly, it appeared..LOL!

In other news, I did manage to do a little shopping and got a few looser tops here and there. More importantly, I found a bella band, and I'm loving it. I CAN button my pants, but good Lord who wants to!! I'm miserable when they're buttoned, especially if I'm sitting down! I'm finally realizing I should stop trying to suck in because my efforts are producing no results anymore...LOL!

Muffin Watch with the doppler has been fun, and Patrick seems more addicted to it than me. He asked me this morning if I checked on the muffin before I left for work, and I actually hadn't since I planned on making it an evening thing, and I think he was disappointed.

10 weeks 5 days and I'm still here!!!

My Doppler Works!!

Yes, my doppler arrived yesterday. And of course, I got it to work in 5 minutes...I AM a scientist after all. In all seriousness, those were the longest 5 minutes ever, even though I knew that it would be hard to find. It was actually interesting because I kept hearing my heartbeat, but then there was this echo and the rhythm just didn't quite match. When I focused more on that area, a little this way, a little that way, tilt just so, and there he was, beating away!! Patrick got home about 15 minutes later, so I attempted this again. Of course, I'd made an exact notation of where I found him, I'm surprised I didn't draw an X on my stomach and label it "Place Doppler here", but luckily it was near my freckle, so I had something to go by. : )

Anyway, he wasn't there anymore!! I start moving around and that little brat had moved a good 2-3 inches to the left right in the middle of my tummy...LOL! Even as I was catching him that time, I was chasing him across my belly, Patrick was cracking up! It was fun though, and I'm really glad we decided to get it. Of course, when I have trouble finding it again, I'm sure I'll say that I hate the doppler...LOL!

The good thing is that it will only get easier to find it. A lot of people say to start at your bikini line, but he was a good inch or two higher than that, so he's on his way up...meaning my uterus is on its way up...meaning maybe my 12 week pic WILL actually be more impressive. ; )

One day at a time...but the days are getting easier...and happier.

Belly Shots!

That's right. If I'm going to pretend to be "just another pregnant girl", then you have to be subjected to bi-weekly belly shots. Behold the miraculous change below...what's that you say? They look the same to you? LOL!

So I started at 6w, then by 8 weeks had lost 2 pounds total, then at 10weeks, I've lost 3 pounds total...yet somehow maybe I look a little poochier down low in the last one? Maybe? Come on, throw me a bone here.



ok, I have to admit, I'm a little jealous. Everyone on the pregnancy boards is showing off their little 10 week "bump"...but according to every book I've read and Dr. Swaim, those other "bumps" are probably gas or too much ice cream...so I guess I'm supposed to feel better about looking mostly the same...LOL! But now is when changes start to happen, so let's hope for a difference in 2 weeks!

Even though there's little change, my jeans are driving me insane! They button, but the bug me and make me more nauseous. Not to mention, practically every shirt I have is tailored and fitted. So I'm on a mission this weekend. I'm going to find a Bella Band and see if that will help my jeans and make a couple of tighter skirts more comfortable, and then I'm going to go buy fun shirts! NOT maternity shirts, just those cute empire waisted/babydoll shirts that are at EVERY single store right now. That's going to make the transition period much easier! I'm TIRED of sucking it in every day...not to mention that lower portion I was talking about WON'T suck in anymore!!! LOL!

In other news, the DHL website just reported to me that my doppler is on the truck for delivery to my house today!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sure I'll drive myself, Patrick, the cats and dogs all crazy with it tonight!

10 weeks

Really? It's been 10 weeks and I'm still pregnant? We've never made it this far...ever.

I had the best appt this morning with Dr. Swaim. First, the nurse decided to try the doppler, just to see. Took her a couple of minutes, but as soon as she found it, it was so obvious. That little heartbeat just thumping away. What an unbelievable sound.

Then I was not prepared for the ultrasound. He was moving...not just moving, but practically doing backflips! We've never seen movement before...never. It was such an amazing moment, to see that little life...inside of me. Is this real?

In other news, we went ahead and upped my Lovenox dose to 40mgs today, so that makes me feel better. My platelet count came back high which is common in people with clotting disorders, so everything is covered. I'll continue with this dose up until delivery, and then after he's here, I'll be on it for 6 weeks post-partum.

Funny story, Dr. Swaim said I could come in whenever I wanted, every day if that made me feel better. My doppler is supposed to be here tomorrow, so I just made an appt for next week with the nurse so she could show me how to use it, but odds are I'll have that figured out this weekend.

Anyway, she mentioned that she doesn't get that sense of panic from me this time and that I seem calm, and I told her that I did in fact feel better but still a little panicked, that we just weren't sure what to do now. Her response was that my panic is probably more from "Holy shit, I'm having a baby this time!". That's my doctor and that's why I love her...LOL!

Oh, one other thing. People have asked "do you know it's a boy?" since I keep saying "he". It's a defense mechanism actually. The two that we had tested were both girls...so somehow envisioning this baby as a boy makes me feel like everything will be different this time, does that make sense? In reality, we would be ecstatic no matter what...wouldn't it be a shame if I never had a girl to pass on all my fashion advice to? ; )

So we sit tight, wait for the doppler tomorrow, and then the appt with the high risk ob on October 4th (2 weeks from tomorrow) for the first trimester screen and cerclage consult. Then we'll see where we go from there.

Oh, one more funny story. My dear friend Jenn was trying to explain the cerclage to her husband and he said "I don't get it" to which she said "they're going to sew her up so the baby doesn't fall out". Sounds like as good an explanation as any!

Surviving

That's probably the best way to describe me right now. I had yet another episode of spotting on Saturday night which continued into Sunday. Seems to be pretty much gone now. But after promising I wouldn't, I still panicked. I also seemed to be having major cramps on Sunday...which later seemed to be due to constipation. While I told Patrick I forgot to take my Colace on Sat night, thinking back, I actually forgot it on Friday, too...oops.

I am having all sorts of weird cramps though...not horrible just noticeable, so it's freaking me out a little bit. But I'm also extremely nauseous, so everything seems "normal".

The sad thing is that I don't know what "normal" is for this stage.

We made it the farthest we ever made it last time. She stopped growing at 9w3d, we found out at 9w5d...I'm 9w5d today. I think that's why the spotting on Saturday really freaked me out, it just reminded me of what happened last time. All of that pain is still so real, I can't imagine having to relive it all over again. I just need to get to Wednesday, past all the bad memories, into new and exciting territory. I just need to get past all this pain.

Oh, speaking of pain, interesting occurrence last night. I was having this horrible nightmare that I had appendicitis and was in the emergency room. They needed to do surgery, I was trying to tell them I was pregnant, and the pain was excruciating. Imagine my horror when I wake up and realize the pain I had been "dreaming" was very real. Except instead of low and on my right side, it was higher up. I was in major pain under my ribs all the way down to my belly button and it hurt all the way across. I got up to pee thinking moving might help, but it was absolutely horrible. I came back to bed and woke up Patrick to tell him #1 baby is fine but #2 something is wrong with me. Somewhere in all of that, I decided that I felt a little better if I sat up. It hurt so bad that I could not take in a decent breath. Slowly, I started to move a little bit and finally it released. Boy, it was scary because I had no idea what it was and it was bad enough to wake me up!

So this morning, I'm describing it to one of my co-workers and she starts laughing. She asked me if I ate dinner. Well no, as a matter of fact, I was having a very nauseous day yesterday. I ate a tiny bit of breakfast, a small lunch at 11am, and then I just couldn't eat dinner so I had a little fruit salad. She told me, I had gas! I was like "no, but it was in my chest". She then asked if I felt better once I sat up. LOL! Yep, I had some trapped air, probably in my stomach, no food in there to keep it busy, and it wreaked havoc on me in my sleep.

I'm sure Patrick will be really pleased to know I woke him up at 3am because of gas...