Because I'm mental...

Remember when I said I was "normal"...well I found another site that I remember from last time and plugged in my numbers. I could NOT be MORE normal. Seriously, I should stop freaking out now right? I'm the red line...the line I'm following is the "high" line, and the green line below it is "average"....

Muffin Beta #2

OK latest results at 19dpo
hcg = 958
Progesterone = 55

Doubling time of about 41 hours.

OK, so it's time to slap me around. I'm freaking out because the numbers aren't nearly as high as my overachiever last pregnancy...who doubled between 24-30hours. I try to keep reminding myself that all of those ladies with the low betas are now delivering their perfect babies while I have nothing to show for it.

Patrick just gave me the speech, no complaining about being "normal". Betabase says the median number is seven hundred something...and I know we all know normal doubling times are 48-72 hours.

It's just so easy to let that doubt creep in, you know?
One more beta in a week, then hopefully an u/s next Thursday at 6w1d.
One day at a time...

Muffin Beta #1

I really have to tell this muffin story soon so you're not all in the dark.

But for a quick update on my favorite muffin, beta results are in.
At 12dpo, we have an hcg of 57 and a progesterone of 53.8. They're very pleased, and I go back in a week for more bloodwork.

As for the injections, my insurance is covering the Lovenox ($2500 worth of meds)...yay! This means 1 shot in the stomach per day instead of 2, plus I'm pretty sure they come prefilled so no more measuring, oh and low molecular weight heparin has lessened calcium depletion side effects!

On my way to pick it up now, and I'll do my first injection tonight!!!!

Lord help me...

Here we go. I cheated and took a test this morning...2 to be exact.
It looks like I'm pregnant.
I took a normal 2-line test to which Patrick proclaimed half-asleep at 5:30am "I don't even have to squint to see that one". Sad that after this long, HE's even an expert at starting at pregnancy tests.
Then I tried a digital, and in less than a minute, there came that beautiful word "pregnant".

I have to admit, I'm much calmer than I expected. I had a wonderful restful sleep last night, and the alarm actually woke me up. I panicked during the 3-minute wait period (which I spent kneeling in front of the toilet praying with a stop watch set at 3 min), but as soon as I saw the lines, I peeked out of the bathroom to yell at Patrick "I'm pregnant"...sadly, I've said it many times, but this time just feels different.

I called to Dr. Mac's right at 9am, and Terri must have called me back at 9:10. They wanted me to come in for my bloodwork this morning, so I did. We'll have results this afternoon. I don't expect them to be very high since it's so early (12dpo)...maybe around 50? Guess I should check betabase to prepare myself.

Anyway, we're also working on the heparin issue. I will be back on heparin injections this pregnancy (I truly believe that's the only reason I made it so far last time). We're just checking to see if Lovenox (low molecular weight heparin) might be a better option. It's 1 shot/day instead of the 2/day with normal heparin, plus it has lesser calcium depletion side effects for me. But Lovenox is way pricey, so they're going to check with my insurance and see what they cover. Either is totally fine, but we've got time to figure that out today. When my beta results are back, they'll probably call and tell me which prescription to pick up. I'll probably be giving my first heparin injection tonight...tomorrow at the latest.

So that's it...I'm on the roller coaster....and I can't help but believe that this is really it.

...must have been the muffins!

Progesterone time

Had my progesterone checked today at 6dpo...it was 46.5.

Don't say it, don't even think it. We all know I'm the queen of beautiful responses with nothing to show for it....

But what if...

7 days and counting.

IUI...or better yet...insemination

So I was inseminated on Tuesday, July 24th.

It was scheduled for 3pm, so Patrick was scheduled to "do his thing" at 1:45pm. I was slightly offended that he didn't want any "help" and didn't want me over at that clinic at all. He said he'd rather me be relaxed and just meet him at Dr. Mac's...the later admitted that it was just going to be awkward for him and having me there would just make him more nervous and embarrassed. I guess I can understand. It was his first "invasive" part of infertility...not like he'd had his feet in stirrups with more people than he could count staring at his crotch for years now. ; )

Anyway, do-do bird left a little late, got stuck behind a wreck, and had me worried that the stress would cause him technical difficulties. He got there and got it done, but not until 2:30. So I'm sitting at Dr. Mac's, he's sitting in the building across the complex. Finally, his sample is done...BUT they start giving him the insurance run-around (referral from the PCP, what??). I get annoyed, the nurses see me annoyed in the waiting room, so they call over to the other clinic and tell them to let him get over here with his sample : )

He comes over practically glowing. Apparently his sperm count was over 300 million. Every other factor was great, usually well above normal. At least one of us works! Amazing to everyone that after 3.5years this was his first semen analysis...hahaha!
Anyway, the IUI went smoothly. Patrick even got to actually inseminate me (he pushed the plunger), and he was so cute to pat my tummy and kiss me as soon as he's finished.

Oh, that reminds me. I need to tell the muffin story, but I need my picture to do that...have to get him to download it!

So we wait....

Going for it

When my friend Kerri was getting inseminated, I always liked to say that word and type it. Patrick and I actually joked about it all the time. Well, we got a wild hair and decided, what the heck, let's try adding an insemination. There's no indication that we actually need it (I've been pregnant 4 times), BUT I'm getting antsy and the longer this goes, the more likely Dr. Mac will want to take another peek inside to see if the endometriosis has come back.

So we decided we'd go it with the IUI (insemination...heehee).

I went for my mid-cycle ultrasound on Monday, July 23rd. I had an 18mm follicle on my right and one that after a few measurements averaged out to 18mm on my right. My lining was a gorgeous 9.4mm. Terri thought maybe we'd want to let them grow another day before triggering, but Dr. Mac popped in and said nope, trigger now! So I triggered at 2pm, went to the bathroom not but 15 minutes later, and I had EWCM all over the place! No way the shot did that, I was about to ovulate on my own, so good thing we had done the trigger!!

My IUI was scheduled for the very next day. : )

Sorry...

I know, I suck at blogging right now. Needless to say, last cycle was a bust and I was NOT pregnant. I guess I was so frustrated by it, that I didn't even bother posting about it. I took the test on the Saturday at 12dpo, hoping to have a surprise for Patrick...but nothing. Took another one that Sunday at 13dpo, just as blank as the one the day before. Stopped the progesterone and along came my period.

Given all the activity last cycle, I was convinced (as was Patrick) that I was going to have a cyst and we were going to be on hold again. We were seriously contemplating taking a break, so I think we were just going to let the cyst make the decision.

I got my period when my parents were here on vacation, so my mom got to go with me to the dr.s office. She knew that I was expecting a cyst...and low and behold all clear. I was surprised, Patrick was surprised, my mom even got all teary eyed.

I started my third round of Femara on Friday the 13th...it's always been a lucky day for me...we'll see...on to the next update.

Waiting....

It's like I've forgotten how to do this. I've been very pessimistic(realistic) about the whole thing, and it's totally a defense mechanism. I know this because I still practice in my head how I would tell Patrick and how I would tell my parents next week.

Patrick got called at the last minute to go to Minneapolis. Long story short, he coaches club volleyball, one of the older teams (17 and under) made it to nationals, their coach got pneumonia and couldn't fly, Patrick was pretty much the only option or the girls would be disqualified...so he left yesterday and doesn't come back until Sunday.

It sucks to be by myself, but we have friends in town (my favorite neighbors who moved and I've missed so much), so I'm staying busy. There's always that dissertation to work on, too....

Anyway, so this is making me want to test before he gets home...just on the off chance that it's positive and I can surprise him. My beta is Monday anyway. So the options are Saturday or Sunday if I want to surprise him or Monday if I just want to cry in the privacy of my own bathroom...we'll see how long I hold out.

I'm off tomorrow (to hang out with my friends that are visiting), so odds are I won't post again until I know...say a prayer for me...this never gets any easier.

Impatience

So all went well last week. I had a super painful ovulation, but we got the job done, and I'm fairly certain both follicles released.

I did get the guilt trip from Terri and Dr. Mac about soccer and even tennis (it was doubles!). So last Monday Dr. Mac said he would send the police to pick me up if I tried to play my 2 soccer games last week. He said he was less worried about the tennis, but that everyone would rather me just take it easy for 2 weeks...no one wanted to take any chances. So I also had to opt out of my doubles tournament this past weekend.

Patrick and I managed to win our mixed doubles match the day before I ovulated though. : ) But now we're sitting out again. It's one of those situations where it's frustrating because I keep wondering "is this all for nothing" and there's also the pressure of everyone knowing we're "in the window". Everytime I don't play a soccer game everyone assumes I'm pregnant, so we have to quickly say "no, just in the window". I probably would have been ok to play soccer last week (before implantation), but since there was so much activity on that right side (and I was in a bunch of pain Monday), they were worried about ovarian torsion..and I do NOT want to lose my ovary...especially since my right one seems to be the overachiever of the two.

In other news, I had my 7dpo progesterone check today....it was 41.5.
Just digest that for a second...
Yep, it's freaking me out, too...that's a new 7dpo record. I know, I know, it doesn't MEAN anything except that I had a gorgeous ovulatory cycle...but I can still hope.
This week is going to crawl.....................